Sending Four to Venus

I have four girls.  4. Cuatro. IV.

  If you would have told me this would have been my lot 10 years ago I would have laughed...  Or cried.  The verdict is still out as they are not yet teenagers.  You see, I was certain God would give me a brood of boys.  He certainly wouldn't want this fairly insensitive, not really girly, slightly cynical, woman to raise girls.

When I say I am not girly I am not implying I don't like domestic things.  I love to cook, do crafts, and be creative with my hands.  I'm just not one of those girls who has to end every sentence two octaves higher than I started.  I don't like romantic comedies, high heels, or fancy things and I only cry when I'm really upset, not when I see a dead rabbit on the road.  But I am really sentimental about my kids and their ever changing little bodies and personalities.  I'm very protective of my cubs as well.  

My first born daughter quickly schooled me in her Venus origins. She was only a couple weeks old when I said in a frustrated voice, "What does she want?!" after she cried for hours in the middle of the night.  She looked at me in shock, her lower lip quivered, and she started crying.  She was a newborn.  How could she be so emotional already?  Over the years I have found her crying on multiple occasions and when I have inquired as to why all she can say is, "I don't know, I'm just crying."  I admit, I'm a woman of little patience.  I have a "get over it," mentality.  This has proven to be an ineffective method- I can be a bit of a jerk sometimes.  

But you see I married this man who seems to know exactly what these girly girls need.  He is a listening ear for them or just hugs it out the times they don't know why they are crying.  I thank God for him.  And I have learned to make an effort as well. This does not come naturally for me. It's an effort I'm willing to make because I love my girls and know I need to be able to communicate to them in their love language. For instance, they love for me to paint their nails.  I hate it.  I don't even like to paint my own nails.  I hate when my nails get long enough to paint and only allow it so that I can better peel oranges and pick the junk out of my kids ears. If it was socially acceptable I would just leave one nail long and call it the peeler/picker.  On second thought, I live in the middle of nowhere so maybe I'll do that.  Heck, I have five kids so people already think I'm weird. 

 Anywho, I set time aside to paint their nails and I do it cheerfully and sometimes even end my sentences two octaves higher as I carefully lather sparkly blue paint on each nail.  And in some weird way I enjoy it.  Maybe it's the fumes from the polish but maybe it's the look in my girls' eyes that says it all.  They know and appreciate the effort and I know God knew what He was doing all along.  

...Oh, but please don't hesitate to visit me and send cards when I am institutionalized during puberty. 

Night Time Revelations

"Waaaaa!!! Dadaaaaa!" I hear in the dark from the other room. Andy brings our little Olive into the room for the fifth night. She coughs in that high pitched, pathetic toddler cough and quickly falls asleep sandwiched safety between her Mommy and Daddy. But now I am wide awake. It's 5:30 a.m. and the sound of her precious baby snores mixed with the relatively close time to which the Packer household is awake anyway, I can't go back to sleep. So I sit there contemplating all of life's mysteries and taking in all the revelations those early morning/middle-of-the-night thoughts often bring. 

I start to contemplate why every older adult with grown children feels the need to tell me in the midst of my child's in-store melt down that I'm gonna miss this.  Sure, I think, I'll miss kissing squishy toddler cheeks and baby laughs, but this? Nope, definitely not gonna miss this. But then I start to think about life in 20 years. 

I think about the noise levels in the house replaced with the sound of traffic driving by and clocks I didn't know ticked. Bathroom counters that don't have toothpaste smeared all over them the day after I clean them. Jars of peanut butter and jelly that last months instead of weeks. Meals free from indigestion. Quiet car rides. Times of reflection and prayer in the pew before service and listening to whole sermons instead of teaching the older kids  how to follow along in the service, and teaching toddlers how to not be little screaming monkeys.  A calendar free from weekly doctor's appointments, scheduled activities, and school assignments due...

I start to think I must be crazy as an overwhelming feeling of sorrow takes over my sleep-deprived body. Because in that moment, I realize I really am gonna miss all of that. The same crazy sounds that come out of my house and make me thankful I don't have any neighbors in a 10 acre radius, are actually a comfort to me. The toothpaste on the counters and never-ending mess are the beautiful signs of growing life in my house. 

Someday, long gone will be the days of baby smiles, toddler belly-laughs, funny handshakes between sisters (including "booty-bumps"), and the wide-eyed wonderment of learning new things. There's only one "first time," you know.  The first time they carve a pumpkin or feel the disappointment of reading a book and then watching the movie. The heartbreak of watching them fail and the pride in the triumphs that come from those failures.

We are blessed, fellow parents. God did not lie when he called children a blessing. We are taking part in one of life's greatest gifts. And it's hard. It's hard because God uses these little munchkins to drive and mold the selfishness right out of us. He gives us glimpses of our own stubbornness and hardheartedness. But He also gives us joy. A joy incomparable to anything else in this life.

So yes, I'm gonna miss this. And I pray God would grant me the time on this earth to get to see it from a whole other point of view: grandchildren.

The Best Breakfast Ever

I was in that state between dreamland and reality.  The pillow was still covering my face from the light... and the world.  Just five more minutes.  Five more minutes before I start all over again.

I hear foot steps coming up the stairs.  It must be Ally.  She often climbs into bed with me in the mornings to snuggle.  I look forward to those mornings because I know someday I'm gonna miss her toddler giggles and remains of baby fat that fade with each passing day.  But today is not one of those days.  I peer out from the darkness to see a blurry, blond-haired boy standing at the end of my bed.  This is new.  This is the kid who is normally always last to get up.  He's definitely not here to snuggle- not his thing.  He's holding something in his hand.

"Mom, I made you breakfast in bed,"  He says almost without emotion.  He practically tosses a piece of bread at me, no plate.  "It's even gluten free." He says with a stoic voice.  I look at my tiny piece of bread with an attempted, but failed effort to spread cold butter across the surface.  Most people wouldn't think much of this.  But somehow this is quite possibly the best breakfast I've ever seen.
"I would have made you eggs but we don't have any,"  Be still my heart.

He cares.  He's thoughtful.  He's loving.  The heart is catching up.

Old Yeller

I yell at my kids.  Not just once a month, or when they are about to run in the street, but all the time.  I'm not proud of this, I'm confessing the facts.  Sometimes it because I'm tired.  Sometimes it's because I'm distracted and don't want to deal with the situation.  But you know what?  Sometimes it's because my kids do stupid things.
That's right, I said it.  Sometimes my kids just do stupid, childish things because they're children.  Part of me raising them is correcting stupid things.  I don't need to coddle them or say things like, "Now sweetie, WE don't color on the walls," Because you know what?  I never color on my walls.  I spent too many days painting them and getting help from others to paint them as well.   Hard work and money went into those walls.  I don't say, "We don't color on the walls because that's not nice."  I say, "Don't color on my walls!"  And then I make them erase it.  One time Abby and Ally took crayons and colored both sides of their doors, the laundry door, their walls, and their closet.  They scrubbed walls for two hours and I took their crayons away for a few days.  I wasn't stifling their creativity I was purging the demons! ( I'm kidding, don't freak out.) When they said, "Mommy, our hands are tired."  I didn't say, "Well, you learned an important lesson."  I said, "That's because you spent so much time coloring on my walls. Keep scrubbing."
Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times when I yell at them unjustly.  EVERYday, in fact.  There is a whole lot of realizing my own failures as a mother and a lot of grace needs to be poured out on this old yeller.
 -End of rant-

Every Stain Tells a Story

"You're busy!" The lady at the store says as she observes my four children in line at the check-out.
"Yeah," I say with a smile.  I've heard this a thousand times before.  In fact, I've heard this since I've had two kids.  And I am.  I'm busy.  I have been for a long time. But I have never felt it so much as I do now.

Do you know what scares me more than anything? An unexpected guest at around 1:00 pm.  They would see me open the door and immediately observe hair uncombed, smudged glasses, dirty clothes, house a mess, and kids still in their pajamas. There are truly not enough hours in the day to get it all done.

Today, after a long day in which the hubs had to leave the house at 4:45 am and did not return home until about 6:00 pm, I walked back into my room for the first time all day.  I looked in the mirror and was horrified by the state of my attire.  Here's a glimpse:

Totally disgusting.  This shirt is the result of not one, not two, but three girls with a cold.  It's a baby who spits up if she is not burped well.  It's a homeschooling "wouldn't it be fun to make your own clay" project, and oil splatter from cooking.  It's apparently a napkin too.  

I'm tired.  I'm tired of the baby waking up to nurse twice a night and I'm tired of two year old potty accidents.  But you know, I'll get up the next day and do it all over again.  And I'd do it over and over again.  Because each of these stains tells a story.  A beautiful, messy story about a mom and her kids and their daily disasters adventures of growing up and growing together.  

PS Olivia has her own story about today... 

or the last two days... ehhh, let's say today for saving face purposes. 

Allison the Great

Look at this girl.  Totally cute and adorable.  She has the sweetest little voice and much to her dismay, I kiss her all day long.  She's sweet, she's funny, and she's.....destructive.

I just had to go to the bathroom.  It was only going to be a minute.  But when I came out I started to piece together the crime scene.  Somehow she had managed to knock over the baby monitor, play with my china, take several of the canned food jars down in the kitchen, play with my ipod and take the case off, dump a game out, and flush a bar of soap down the toilet.  It's like something goes off in her head, "Mom left the room, must do as much damage as possible."

I know every two year old is messy and destructive but Ally is my most deliberate one.  She once put toothpaste all over her sister's face while she slept and when she woke up screaming, she ran away laughing.

The other day, I told Ally she was a big girl and big girl's don't poop in their diapers. That day, she woke up from a nap and had a mischievous look on her face.  "Do you want Mommy to hold you-" "No!" she immediately responded.  Uh oh.  I knew something was up. She probably pooped in her diaper and didn't want me to hold her.

"Did you poopy?" I asked.  No answer.  I lifted up her dress to check her diaper and didn't find any poop.  In fact, I didn't even find a diaper. "Where's your diaper, Ally?"  She didn't have the nerve to answer.  She just pointed to her room.  As I stepped into her room I felt something warm and squishy between my toes. It felt about 98.6 degrees so I knew it was fresh.  I didn't even have to look down to make sure, I knew. "Allllllly!" I yelled.  Immediately tears and loud wails came from my adorable mischief.  It was hard to be mad when she was following my instructions to "not poop in her diaper."

God made this one adorable on purpose.

Claustro-Phonophobia: Tips on Traveling with Children

It's summer time!  Time to lather on the sunscreen, hit the lakes and beaches, take walks... and plan vacations that involve long rides in the car with screaming children.  I don't think there is a word for this experience so I have made one up:

Claustro-Phonophobia- Fear of loud noises in small spaces.

I suffer from this.  There is nothing that can get my eye twitching like a screaming or whiney child in a car.  It grates on me and I slowly come unraveled.

I don't really consider myself an expert on anything.  Parenting is nothing like I expected and much of what I have learned has come by trial and error.  But I have traveled A LOT with children.  So much so I have been asked on more than one occasion if I was crazy.  In one long (but fun and eventful) summer we traveled 116 hours, 6,000 miles, and crossed 30 states in a 2 month period.  Oh, and we had a 4 year old, 3 year old, and 7 month old in the car.  We've made another across country trip with two of our kids ages 1 and 2 at the time.  We've made countless one day drives in the past seven years as well.

I have learned a thing or two in that time.   But the most important thing I have learned is road trips can be really fun with even the youngest of children (you just called me "crazy," didn't you).  Seriously, don't stop reading!  Here are a few of the tips I have learned to make traveling a fun and relatively whine/cry- free experience...

1.  Get them excited!  Talk about the trip with your kids (if they are old enough).  Do some plan-ahead research and find some things they will see on the way.  They will anticipate each site even if you are only driving by.

2. Buy a map.  I got this map and every time we crossed a new state the kids got to put a sticker on (we would wait until the next stop to put it on and the kids would take turns).  The best part is you can reuse it for each trip and the kids can keep track of all the states they've been in.

3.  This one is pricy but is possibly the greatest invention short of antibiotics in the past 100 years: The automobile DVD player.   You'll take a hit with the initial purchase but you will hopefully have it for years to come.

4. Baby entertainment.  For young babies who can't eat snacks, there's not a whole lot to do.  I usually reach back and hand them a toy if they can hold onto things.  I keep a small bag of little baby toys and hand them a new toy each time they drop them into the new area of your car you didn't know existed.  Baby mirrors that attach onto the back of the seat are great.  Things that make noise and have a remote control (that particular toy works great if they are rear facing because you control the remote and forward facing because they control the remote). Also, this and this. And this is great so your older baby or toddler can't lose their sippy cup or bottle.  If they can eat snacks, I prefer Mum Mums because they dissolve in their mouth and are not a choking hazard but they take awhile to eat. And it goes without saying, make the most of your stops so you are stopping as little as possible (i.e., change diaper, feed and let baby stretch during each stop.  And don't stop if baby is sleeping... no matter how bad you have to go to the bathroom).

5.  Kid/Toddler entertainment.  My 5 and almost 7 year old like to play video games.  My 2 1/2 year is entertained by each device for all of two minutes.  Fun Pockets are great because they stick to the scenery without being sticky.  Magnetic Books are great for the same reason.  Obviously no one can buy this kind of stuff for one trip. I have come upon most of this stuff at garage sales or have accumulated stuff over time. If you have two kids sitting next to each other this is a great way to store everything.  I put all their entertainment, including coloring books and crayons and their water in there.  aquadoodles are great entertainment without making the mess as well as Color Wonder books and markers.

6.  Comfort.  Uncomfortable kids make for cranky kids.  We bought our kids these a long time ago to ease the long amount of time in a car seat.

7.  Snacks, Snacks, Snacks.  Each day of travel I pack a brown paper bag full of snacks for the kids to eat at their own discretion.

8.  CD's.  Not just music cd's (Those are great too).  Try books on tape.  You can even check them out at the local library.  It gives them something to follow without starring at a screen.

9.  Presents!  Everybody loves to unwrap a gift.  I am going to wrap a present for each day of the trip and I will give it to them at the "half way" point each day.  That will give them something to look forward to as well as a boost of energy for the second half of the trip.  Again, I have picked up a lot of this stuff at garage sales.  Buy a toy for a quarter at a garage sale, wrap it up, and you buy an hour in the car.

10.  Pack separate suitcases for each day you are staying at a hotel.  There is nothing more frustrating and tiring then hauling all your luggage into a hotel you are only staying one night at.  Pack a separate, smaller suitcase with all the stuff you and your family will need for that night.  If you are staying at more than one hotel, pack a small luggage bag for each night and carry a small back pack with all the stuff that will need to be used at every hotel like toiletries, pajamas, bathing suit.  That way you don't have to worry about transferring stuff over to the next suitcase. So, you are walking into the hotel with a backpack and a small suitcase and maybe a few small items like a purse, computer, etc..

                               Most important, don't forget to take pictures and have fun.

                                          You'll always remember your vacations!

                     We will be traveling for three days (24 driving hours) this summer

                                              with a 6, 5, 2 yo and 4 month old.